Special times must be made. On the occasion of my oldest daughter’s eye checkup to possibly pursue contacts, we agreed to a date night following. After we made plans, she said joyously, “Everyone has been wanting to spend time with me!” Her inner happy visibly lit up as she spoke of this, and confidence climbed another rung. She wrote a list of ten possible things to do and we selected four; eat at Longhorns, go store wanderin’, go to a bookstore, go to Menchies. My daughter being a private, non-talkative sort, I was also hoping to open the lines of communication.
As we are driving, she talks lightly and smiles much. Conversation meanders gently but, mostly, each stop and the innocuous particulars of the stop are discussed. The moment I have been waiting for arrives, her mind covers a subject of friendships and pranking that she releases verbally. We laughed and talked, and she shared some more. We connected, not fully and completely (I still notice a reserve arising from personality and habit) but enough that I was included and aware…which is my desire for our relationship as we transition into the upcoming Teen Years.
You see, I’ve noticed something. If I don’t allow for special times and special occasions, if I plan every minute or am too busy with schedules or preconceived ideas about how things should go or happen, or if I am uptight or controlling or closed off or non-communicative, or even unaware and disconnected, and especially if I try to force it, then I don’t “allow” unique moments of openness to occur. So then, these special moments in time are made when I make room for them. For special relationships I need to make the room so we have a place to dwell together.